Parenting Guide: 10 Realistic Expectations for Success

Being a parent in the 21st century is probably the most demanding job that no one is talking about! The tail end of the twentieth century saw a massive boom in globalisation, which resulted in a seismic shift in livelihood. In a span of some 20 years, we have gained access to all the knowledge in the world, experienced devices that we never even imagined, and used technology that we never thought could exist! Free internet, AI, 3d printing, space travel, self-driving cars... Man! The list goes on!

Now, you, a parent, seeing your child grow up, are torn to shreds! When you grew up, your parents wanted you to be either a doctor, engineer, or lawyer. They had planned your life before you could walk. No matter how much we hated it, there was still a direction. Right now, there's too much noise. Too many options for everything. Too many types of jobs, too many types of cultures; heck! Even the restaurants have so many options on their menu. It's debilitating!

We thought, "Why don't we talk about it?" Let's make a realistic rule book for you, as a parent, to follow. No clutter, no noise. Just some realistic parenting tips that you can fall back on when your child talks about something you've never heard of.

Mistakes are okay. Whether you're a parent making mistakes or a child making mistakes, it's all part of the process. Parenting is no joke. Neither is growing up. What's the most common mistake that you could make as a parent? It is assuming what your child wants. Never assume they want something just because they're behaving a certain way.

Since you are the parent, the onus is on you to lead by example. First, question whether what you think is wrong is actually wrong. Just shutting your child down because you didn't like something won't fly anymore. If you want to call something wrong, explain it. It works better. There will always be those momentary "it's wrong because I said it wrong" moments, but generally, try to be rational.

2. Don’t Listen to Everything You Hear

Every child is different, and there are 87869954 blogs on parenting. The thing is, none of them are for you. You can read all of them, but in the end, it's your child. Do not expect any magic parenting trick that is working out for someone else to work for you as well.

You might have to change parenting styles every month and see which attitude fits your offspring. The target is to enable, empower and educate. So be flexible.

3. Developmental Changes

As children grow, their requirements, interests and behaviours evolve. A two-year-old child would be interested in playing with toys; a seventeen-year-old, not that much. There are tectonic shifts in parenting strategies as your child navigates different development stages, from toddler to adolescence.

Suppose you want to maintain balanced family dynamics. In that case, you have to ensure that you pay attention to the developmental changes of your child. Throughout their lives, children morph from one stage to another. They pick up one set of habits and ditch the old. It is your duty to be realistic in this aspect and not expect too much out of your child too soon.

4. External Factors

As a parent, you have to navigate external factors such as school, peer pressure, your own health and well-being, and societal expectations. You may guide and support, but you can't control everything. You expect to be able to control every minute detail of your child's life. Realistically, you can't. You cannot predict when they will fall sick or throw a temper tantrum.

You can't predict what their behaviour will be on a Thursday evening. All you can do is deal with it when it does happen. External factors could be anything. A bully. A heartbreak, a bad match in a sport, but the target is to teach them that these are parts of life and we have to deal with them the right way.

As a parent, you must remember that consistency is key. You have to be consistent when dealing with your child. Now, while you might expect to be consistent throughout the life of your child, we both know that's not possible. What you need to ensure is that some level of consistency is maintained in your dealings with your children.

If your child has made a mistake one day and the same mistake 10 days later, try to ensure you deal with it the same way. Don't be ambiguous in your parenting because that's the worst thing you can do.

6. Adapt to Your Child’s Needs

As children grow, they need different approaches or more autonomy. Adapting to all these changes while still maintaining your core values is a very delicate balance. You have to balance your child's needs with your resources and see whether you can provide for all of them.

For instance, if your five-year-old wants a smartphone, that is out of the question. However, if your seventeen-year-old requires a new phone - that is something that can be negotiable. In this lifelong parenting journey, you have to remember to be realistic.

7. Adjusting Expectations Over Time

You have to adjust your expectations about your child's behaviour and your parenting as they develop. What works at one stage might not work at another. For instance, you might expect your six-year-old child to be satisfied with one slab of chocolate. Now, while a slab of chocolate is fine for a six-year-old at any point in time, a ten-year-old might want something else.

As a parent, it is your role to keep expectations realistic. A ten-year-old, while wanting something else, cannot ask you for a car. Ensuring that you adjust expectations over time will mean that you get to spend quality time with children.

The very essence of parenting is fostering a healthy relationship where trust, mutual respect and open communication can flourish. Always ensure that you are realistic in building trust and respect. You can't expect a toddler to understand the concept of trust and respect. As they grow older, however, things are different.

Another aspect that is not discussed much is controlling your children. Trying too hard to prevent your child can undermine trust and respect. Remember—they both go both ways, so give respect and trust, and you'll gain respect and trust. Patience in parenting is extremely important, so ensure you don't lose your cool with your child.

As a parent, you will often find yourself managing work, household chores and your child's needs simultaneously. You must recognise the strain of juggling more than one role and have realistic expectations about what you can handle at any given time.

Now, if your meeting gets over at 4 pm, and your ten-year-old needs to be at football practice at 4:30, you could explore allowing the child to travel to their practice without you dropping them. Be realistic, and you will be rewarded. Multiple responsibilities for one parent. This need not be a horror story. Remember - progress over perfection in parenting.

Instead of striving for perfect parenting, try being emotionally available and supportive. Children usually thrive when they feel loved and accepted. Let's be realistic here. Everything isn't going to be perfect every time. Make sure you support your children no matter what. For instance, your thirteen-year-old child might have developed a crush at school.

Rather than admonish them for it, you could support them by asking for their crush's name and other important details. Remember - children are extremely sensitive, so whatever you do will have a huge impact on their lives.

In conclusion, it pays to be realistic as a parent. Keeping your expectations to a bare minimum is important to ensure that you have a happy and lively child at home. Don't raise your expectations too high, and you won't have problems with your children.

As a realistic parent, you must recognise that growth, for you and your child, is a journey filled with challenges and joys. Be kind to yourself and your child, and be flexible, focusing on the long-term relationship with your child to create a balanced and healthy parenting approach.