Do you ever feel that sudden rush of rage when your football team loses... again? (Yeah, I’m looking at you, Manchester United fans.)
Or maybe that overly eager coworker hits you with the most bizarre question just five minutes before the meeting wraps up, and you can practically feel your blood boiling.
So, how do you react?
Anger is a natural emotion, one of the innate ones. It’s necessary to feel it, and sometimes, certain situations demand that you feel it. When you feel like you've been wronged, betrayed, or made to feel small, your body sees it as a threat, kicking in that ‘fight-or-flight’ response.
We’re all constantly dealing with little (and big) things that can trigger us. And while occasional outbursts are pretty common, if it feels like you're constantly snapping at people, yourself, or even your favorite coffee mug, you might have an anger problem.
And maybe it's time to pause, introspect and do some work on yourself. We at Kofuku are here to help!
Anger can be broken down into three types. These types can help you figure out how you react and mainly how your anger presents itself. Let’s get to it!
Passive anger:
Passive anger is when you do not express anger violently but rather in more subtle, indirect ways. You may not be openly confrontational but resort to passive-aggressive behaviour.
For example, you could throw in sarcastic comments, make snarky, little digs at someone, or give them the silent treatment. Sometimes, it could even go as far as suggesting you’ll leave or hurt yourself just to get your way.
People often choose passive-aggressive behaviour because facing uncomfortable emotions, like anger, can feel overwhelming. But while it might seem easier in the moment, it usually ends up pushing people away and damaging your relationships.
Inward anger:
Inward anger is when you are angry at yourself. This usually accompanies depression, where you’re harsh and unkind to yourself. You might find yourself stuck in a cycle of negative self-talk, blaming yourself for everything. Thoughts like ‘I’m stupid,’ ‘I’m incapable,’ or ‘I’m unlovable’ can dominate your mind.
You may feel like you don’t deserve anything good—anything that could bring you happiness, even the basic things like food or self-care.
It’s common for people who feel anger or hurt towards others to end up directing that energy inward. Unfortunately, this can create a rift in your relationships and seriously affect your overall well-being. It’s important to recognise and address this kind of anger before it takes a bigger toll on you.
Outward anger:
Outward anger is probably what you think of when you picture someone struggling with anger issues. It’s loud, obvious, and direct. This could look like screaming, throwing things, swearing, or even being verbally or physically abusive toward others.
This type of anger is aggressive and can be damaging because it disregards the needs and feelings of those around you. People may start to feel scared or anxious around you, and it can push them away. It’s a clear sign that anger is taking a toll, not just on you but also your relationships.
Anger could be a side effect of a lot of things. Ultimately, it falls on us to deal with it in a way so you can lead a healthier, calmer life. And the first step to doing that would be to recognise the signs. So, how do you know if you really have anger issues? Here are some signs to look out for -
1. You Have Aggressive or Violent Outbursts:
This is probably the most obvious sign. You might feel your anger building up until it becomes uncontrollable, and you express that by punching a wall, breaking something, or snapping at people. These outbursts might give you a sense of release, but they can cause harm to yourself and others.
2. You Fly Into a Rage Easily—and Often:
It doesn’t take much for you to lose your temper. Maybe someone cuts you from the left on the road, and you immediately get furious. If small annoyances seem to set you off regularly, this could be a sign of anger issues.
3. You Have a Low Tolerance for Mistakes:
When even small mistakes or inconveniences trigger intense anger, it can show that your emotional reactions might not be in balance. A minor issue that others might shrug off could feel like a big deal to you.
4. People Around You Start to Avoid You:
You might notice that friends, family, or coworkers seem hesitant to interact with you. They may feel uncomfortable around you, worried that anything they say could set you off.
This can lead to feelings of isolation or loneliness, as people might keep their distance to avoid triggering your anger.
5. Alcohol Makes Your Anger Worse:
If you find that your temper flares up when you're drinking and you often get aggressive or violent after consuming alcohol, this is a serious warning sign. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, making it harder to control your emotions, and can increase the likelihood of you reacting with anger.
6. You Engage in Self-Harm Behaviours:
Sometimes, anger can be turned inward, and you might notice yourself engaging in self-destructive actions like hurting yourself.
7. You Experience Physical Symptoms of Anger:
Anger isn’t just emotional—it can affect you physically too. You might notice your heart pounding, a tingling sensation in your body, or even feeling lightheaded. These physical signs are your body’s way of reacting to the intense emotion you're experiencing.
Manifestation of anger on your body -
Clenched jaw or fists
An uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach
Tightness in your chest
Your legs go weak
Sweating
You feel your muscles tense up
Increased heart rate
Shaking or trembling
Your face feels flushed
Dizziness
Tingling sensation
You feel hot
Grinding your teeth
Managing your anger isn’t something that can be fixed overnight. It’s not a quick fix, and it’s not as simple as just taking a pill to make it go away. Handling your emotions, learning to manage them, and gaining control over your reactions takes time and practice. But the good news is, it’s absolutely possible.
Here are some strategies to help you manage your anger more effectively:
Angry outbursts often happen in the heat of the moment when we react without thinking. It takes some practice, but try to pause before you act on your emotions. Giving yourself a moment to breathe and think can help you regain control and avoid saying or doing something you might regret.
One of the simplest yet most effective techniques is to focus on your breathing. Inhale. Exhale. Take deep breaths. Doing this a few times can calm your nervous system and help you regain some control over your emotions.
Grounding yourself in the present moment can be really helpful when you're feeling overwhelmed by anger. Try listing five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This can bring your attention away from the anger and back to the present.
Yes, exercise! It may sound cliché, but physical activity can have a huge positive effect on your mental health. If you don’t want to hit the gym, just go for a run, take a walk, or try something active.
Moving your body can clear your mind, release built-up tension, and give you a positive outlet for your emotions.
If your anger is a symptom of a larger mental health condition like depression, ADHD, or bipolar disorder, medication might be a useful tool in managing your emotions. It could help treat the underlying condition and give you a better handle on your anger, making it easier to respond calmly to triggers.
Dealing with anger issues can be isolating, and you might feel like you're losing control of your emotions. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and even guilty afterward. Talking to a professional can feel freeing and can help you unpack these feelings.
Whether it’s through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), anger management classes, or just having a safe space to explore your emotions, counseling can offer relief and help you develop strategies for managing your anger.
Anger is a natural emotion. It is even essential. It signals when something’s wrong and motivates us to make changes. But like anything, too much anger can be harmful—not just to you but also to those around you.
Anger is often seen as a negative emotion, so people tend to hide it by being passive, swallowing it until it explodes, or using unhealthy coping mechanisms to avoid dealing with it.
But ultimately, if we give any emotion too much power, it starts to define us. And it can affect our health - both mental and physical.
When there is so much stigma associated with an emotion, talking about it can feel complicated and frustrating. It could affect jobs or relationships. But this is where we need to do better. We have to break out of these cycles and start having open conversations about anger.
For real change to happen, it’s essential to acknowledge the emotion and work through it, not avoid it. The first step is to talk about it.
Q. What are the three types of anger?
A. Anger can be classified into three main types: outward, inward, and passive. Outward anger is expressed through aggression or hostility towards others. Inward anger, on the other hand, is directed towards oneself, often involving self-denial or self-directed hostility. Passive anger shows up as passive-aggressive behavior, like sarcasm or subtle resentment.
Q. What are the three primary signs of an anger problem?
A. The three main signs that anger has become a problem are when someone is yelling or shouting, making threats, or asking questions in a hostile way.
Q. What causes someone to have anger issues?
A. Several factors can contribute to anger issues, such as mistreatment, financial stress, insults, or underlying health conditions.
Q. Which mental illnesses can cause anger?
A. A range of mental health conditions can contribute to anger, including depression, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Bipolar Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), and Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
Q. How do you fix anger issues?
A. Anger issues can be managed through behavioral therapy, anger management classes, exercises, support groups, or medications that address underlying conditions.
