After a lot of forethought and deliberation, I finally convinced myself to go get a tattoo. It was a rite of passage of sorts, albeit quite late into adulthood. I knew what I wanted and where I wanted it. I asked a friend to come along - we were going to make a day out of it.
However, the tattoo artist had different ideas. He told me I should definitely get a bigger tattoo—the size I wanted was way too small. The astonishing fact was that I was unable to say no. I tried, but he seemed to know better. Suddenly, I did not know if I knew what I wanted. A little voice in my head kept saying that I should not want to inconvenience him. All I could think about was it would be easier if I just went along with it.
It was only when my friend stepped in that I was aware of what was happening. She asked me clearly what I wanted and was stern with the tattoo artist. It was only then that I realised I was willing to permanently ink my body based on someone else’s wishes, just to avoid causing them any inconvenience.
The episode left me reeling. I knew I had a tendency to say yes to things, even when I wanted to say no, and this was something I was desperately trying to change. I felt frustrated with myself. It wasn't until later that I realised I needed to be more patient with myself. Unlearning years of "good" behaviour would take time, and I couldn't expect change to happen overnight. Self-awareness was the first step. I was determined to do better.