How Illness Affects Children's Emotions: A Parental Guide

No one enjoys being sick, not even the doctors. As adults, we usually have the context to understand what's happening, develop coping mechanisms, and the ability to communicate what we actually need to feel better.

Kids? Not so much. They're just learning how to cope with seeing shapes and colours. Compared to that, illnesses can be a truly terrifying experience for them, filled with unknowns and a sudden disruption to what they know of the world so far.

This isn't just about sniffles and sneezes. We're talking about how illness affects children's emotions and the toll that it can take on them. This blog is here to shed some light on an often overlooked aspect of sickness, right from the impact of an everyday cold to more serious conditions.

You might be thinking, "Trauma? It's just a cold!" But medical trauma is a real thing. It refers to the emotional and psychological impact of any medical experience, from a simple blood draw to major surgery. For kids, even routine checkups can be stressful without a good paediatrician who knows how to handle such situations.

In fact, there's a subdivision within PTSD that specifically affects children and their families who have just been exposed to pain, injury or an invasive medical test - Pediatric Medical Traumatic Stress.

The sterile environment, the unfamiliar faces, the painful procedures – it can all feel overwhelming and scary. This can lead to anxiety, fear, and even long-term emotional difficulties.

Sickness can wreak havoc on a child's mental well-being in many unexpected ways. Although many do not develop to the extent of PTSD, they do make a significant impact on the child's mind, so it's important to avoid as much of it as possible.

Illness and Child Behavioural Changes

• Regression:

You might notice your usually independent toddler suddenly wanting to be held constantly. This is regression, a common coping mechanism for kids under stress. Not that wanting to be held and feel safe is a bad thing, but it definitely hinders their growth. Any drastic behavioural change is a cause for concern.

• Increased Anxiety:

Separation anxiety can skyrocket. Bedtime, once a breeze, might become a losing war as your child fights sleep to make sure nothing has changed or that you haven't left. With object impermanence, this becomes an even more terrifying experience for the children.

• Aggression:

Frustration and discomfort can lead to increased irritability and even aggression. Even if they were usually mild-mannered and gentle, extreme stress can change that just as easily.

Navigating emotions with a sick child does include taking into account these possible changes in their behaviour. Understanding that they're going through something scary for the first time and they need their support system is imperative. Especially to better build positive or at least tolerant feelings towards hospitals and sickness.

Other Psychological Effects

• Illness Anxiety in Children:

This is where a child develops an excessive fear of getting sick. It can manifest as constant handwashing, refusing to share food, or even refusing to go to school.

With the COVID-19 pandemic, this has become a widespread phenomenon and needs to be carefully soothed to better help them manage the fear. Though the illness is said to manifest in early childhood, the lack of “tailored, developmentally appropriate descriptions” of how anxiety presents in children disregards many diagnoses.

• Fear of Medical Procedures:

Needles, blood draws, and even checkups can become sources of intense fear and anxiety. Although many consider this a passing thing, most of these children grow into adults with tomophobia.

• Difficulty Sleeping:

Nightmares about hospitals, doctors, or the illness itself can disrupt sleep patterns.

So, how can you best support your little one during those inevitable sick days?

• Create a Comfort Zone:

Make their bed a cosy fort with extra pillows, blankets, and their favourite stuffed animals. A secret little tip not often spoken about is letting them roll around or lie with fresh, warm laundry.

• Embrace Routine (Within Reason):

Even if it's just a simplified version, maintaining a regular routine can provide a sense of normalcy and security. Consistency can also help give them some order to follow without having to think much about it.

• Keep it Light:

Engage in age-appropriate activities like reading, watching movies, or playing quiet games. Anything that doesn't hinder their rest but keeps them feeling engaged is a good start.

• Listen Actively:

Validate their feelings. Acknowledging their fears and anxieties and helping your kids cope with them is a great way to soothe some of their fears. Though most of them are irrational, fears are often exactly that. It's still important to support them through it.

• Involve Them (When Possible):

Let them choose their own medicine (within reason!), help them blow their nose, or even let them "help" the doctor by showing them their tongue. Describing what's happening gives them a piece of control back. It dispels the unknown factor and soothes their fears.

Chronic illnesses, like asthma, diabetes, or cancer, present unique challenges than the flu or cold. These conditions can significantly impact a child's development and well-being irreversibly.

Frequent hospital visits and missed school can lead to social isolation and feelings of loneliness. Some chronic illnesses even require significant medical interventions that can affect a child's body image.

A few procedures can lead to body modification through amputation, which can hinder their growing self-confidence. Most importantly, chronic illness can involve periods of unending pain, limitations, and even the possibility of loss.

This can lead to grief and feelings of sadness and hopelessness.

There's a reason why children go through so much more than adults do when they're sick. The biggest one is that they simply don't understand or are not equipped to do so.

They don't have the context for why they're in pain and when it will end. It's important to remember that children's understanding of illness only develops over time.

Toddlers: May see sickness as a punishment for bad behaviour.

Preschoolers: May believe they caused the illness through their thoughts or actions (magical thinking).

School-aged children: Begin to understand that germs and viruses cause illness but may still struggle with abstract concepts like chronic conditions.

Though their understanding differs, they rely on you to guide and keep them safe. They include their mental well-being, too.

Communication with Kids About Illness: What's The Right Way to Do It

With their trust fully in you, it's your responsibility to explain what they're going through and the reason behind it. Most kids expect honesty more than any sweet words. Use simple language your child can understand and give them a valid explanation.

Similarly, answer honestly if they have questions. Even if you don't have all the answers, be open about what you do know.

Make sure to never use their illness as a threat or punishment. Given that there's a chance they might already have such beliefs, it's important you don't perpetuate or confirm their fears.

In the same vein, don't shrug off their anxieties and concerns. Let them know it's okay to feel scared or upset, as it is quite scary to be ill. Share your experience as a kid getting sick and what you did or felt then.

As a parent, make sure the paediatrician knows your child's fears and takes appropriate measures to accommodate them similarly. A good paediatrician will never ignore their patient's illness anxiety.

Illness can be a challenging experience for both children and parents. By understanding how illness affects children's emotions and implementing these coping strategies, you can help your child get through to the other end.

The most important thing you can do for your child during these difficult times is stay by them and support them so they can recover with improved resilience and intact emotional well-being.

Many parents face similar challenges, so don't hesitate to reach out to your paediatrician, a therapist, or a support group for parents of children with chronic illnesses.

Let's work together to make illness a little less scary for our future generations.