10 Ways of Reorienting With Respectful Parenting

Parenting – let’s face it, it’s tough! It’s probably one of the hardest jobs out there, and no matter how much you prepare, you still often feel unprepared for what it throws at you. It’s definitely not something that necessarily needs to come naturally to people.

Parenting in India, however, is quite different. Here, a stricter hand is taken. An expectation of respect is already deduced. A “we know best” approach is taken. This mindset shapes the way most of us were raised.

But the question is, is this approach really the right one?

While a lot of focus is put on teaching children to respect their elders, the concept of parents respecting their children doesn’t always get the same attention. Many still believe that respect is something kids need to earn, rather than being given freely.

But here's the thing – studies suggest that to get respect, you actually have to give it. Respect isn’t just about expecting it from your kids; it’s about showing them the same courtesy and understanding in return.

So, what does "respectful parenting" really mean? And how can we adopt this approach in our everyday lives? Let’s dive into it and explore 10 ways to practise respectful parenting.

You may have heard terms like "respectful parenting," "gentle parenting," or "mindful parenting" – they all basically refer to the same idea. At the core of these approaches is the belief that children are not just little beings to be controlled, but individuals who deserve to be treated as equals. They should be valued, heard, and respected.

In simple terms, respectful parenting is about understanding your child’s feelings and the reasons behind their behaviour rather than just focusing on fixing the behaviour itself.

It’s about recognising that when a child acts out, there’s usually something deeper going on. Instead of reacting with punishments or commands, a respectful parent seeks to understand why their child is feeling or acting the way they are.

This approach involves setting clear, firm boundaries while giving the child choices instead of just telling them what to do. There's no place for rewards, threats, or yelling. Instead, it’s about validating their emotions and practising active listening.

When children feel understood, they’re better able to recognise and regulate their own emotions, which helps them grow into emotionally intelligent and self-aware individuals.

1. Saying “Yes” to Everything Is Not Showing Respect

Respectful parenting doesn’t mean saying "yes" to everything your child asks for. It does not imply spoiling a child. It's important to understand that giving in to every whim doesn’t equal respect. In fact, when you spoil a child, you’re not showing them more love – you're actually doing the opposite.

Spoiling a child is often the consequence of giving a child things in place of love - like leniency, lowered expectations, or material possessions. It’s not about giving them everything they want or letting them get away with bad behaviour.

Instead, it’s about showing love in a way that helps them understand boundaries, responsibility, and the value of respect – for themselves and others.

2. Your Behaviour Matters - How They See You Treat Others

How you treat your child is important, but so is how you treat others. Children are keen observers, and they learn a lot by watching how you interact with the people around you. The way you handle your relationships and show kindness and respect to others will shape how they treat those around them.

In a way, your relationship with your child is the foundation for all their other relationships. When they see you practising respect, empathy, and understanding, they’re more likely to adopt these behaviours themselves.

3. Respect their Opinion

It’s important not to force your opinions onto your child. This is something many of us can probably relate to – growing up, you might have had a parent who didn’t like a particular actor, place, or colour, and somehow, you ended up disliking it too.

But respecting your child’s opinions means allowing them to have their own preferences and ideas, even if they don’t match yours.

Instead of imposing your views, encourage your child to express their own thoughts and listen to them. This helps build their confidence and self-assurance and teaches them the value of independent thinking.

4. Pay Attention. Listen More Than You Lecture

One of the best ways to build esteem and a closer bond with your child is by truly understanding what’s important to them. This starts with listening. It’s easy to fall into the trap of lecturing, but children are more likely to listen to you once they feel heard.

Listen with the genuine intention of understanding, not just to respond. A child, especially when they're young, isn’t always capable of exercising full restraint or self-control.

So, before jumping into advice or discipline, take a moment to hear them out first. When they feel listened to, they’re more open to hearing what you have to say.

5. Don’t compare

Every child is unique, and so is every parent-child relationship. Just because your neighbour’s son, or even your older child, does something a certain way doesn’t mean your younger child has to follow the same path.

When you compare your child to others, it can hurt their self-esteem and even lead to feelings of resentment. It’s important to appreciate your child for who they are and celebrate their own strengths and progress without measuring them against someone else.

6. Nurture their Independence

Setting limits is important because it helps your child develop self-control. But equally important is encouraging their independence, which helps them build self-direction. To succeed in life, they’ll need both – the ability to control themselves and the confidence to make their own decisions.

It’s totally normal for kids to push for autonomy. Many parents mistakenly see their child’s desire for independence as rebellion or disobedience. But in reality, children crave independence because it’s part of human nature to want to feel in control of their own lives, not controlled by someone else.

“Because I said so” is a no-go. Instead, help them learn to make choices and understand the reasons behind decisions.

7. Creating Too Much Safety Robs Them of the Opportunity to Take Risks

While it's natural to want to protect your child, being overly cautious can actually take away their chance to grow and learn. Kids need the freedom to make their own mistakes because that’s how they develop problem-solving skills and resilience.

By allowing them to take risks, you’re teaching them to handle failure and to try again – important life lessons they can carry with them as they grow. It’s all about finding the balance between keeping them safe and letting them explore their independence.

8. Learn with Them

Think of parenting as being on the same team as your child. When you face a problem, tackle it together. Listen to their perspective because sometimes, kids can surprise you with solutions or ideas you never considered. They can open your eyes to a whole new way of thinking.

By showing genuine curiosity and really listening to them, you not only help them feel valued, but you also create an environment where both of you can learn and grow together.

9. Prioritise Communication

Your child shouldn’t just follow rules because you told them to – they deserve to understand the why behind your decisions. Children are very perceptive and can pick up on your energy, so simply enforcing rules without explanation isn’t enough.

By explaining your rules and the reasons behind them, you’re helping your child understand the bigger picture. This not only fosters trust but also encourages them to think critically about their own choices and the consequences of their actions.

10. Be Consistent with Discipline

When you say "no," make sure it means "no." If your rules change from day to day, it can confuse your child and make it harder for them to understand what’s expected of them.

Identify your non-negotiables – those key rules that are important – and stick to them. Don’t give in. A common mistake many parents make is not following through with consequences.

You can’t discipline your child for talking back one day and ignore it the next. Consistency is key in teaching them what you expect, and it helps them feel secure in knowing the boundaries.

You might still lose your cool from time to time, and that's okay. Parenting isn’t about being perfect - it’s about trying your best and learning along the way.

If you're reading this and thinking, "Wow, this isn't how I was raised!" – you're definitely not alone. Most of us didn’t grow up with a respectful parenting approach. It’s not the norm for many adults today. But it is a way to heal your inner child.

Respectful parenting is all about being mindful and intentional in the way we care for and discipline our children. It involves being self-aware of our own habits, patterns, and the beliefs we grew up with, and understanding how they can influence our parenting style. The goal isn’t to follow a perfect formula but to be more present and conscious of how we parent.

Q. What are the four types of parenting styles?

A. The four main types of parenting styles are authoritative, authoritarian, permissive and uninvolved/neglectful.

Q. What is the main purpose of parenting?

A. The main purpose of parenting encapsulates ensuring children’s health and safety, fostering cognitive development, passing on cultural values and preparing them to be responsible and productive adults.

Q. What are the four Cs of parenting?

A. The four C’s of parenting are care, consistency, choices and consequences. These elements help create a balanced, structured environment for your child to grow.

Q. What are the 4 P’s of parenting?

A. The four P’s of parenting are practice, praise, point out and prompt. These are tools to guide and reinforce positive behaviour and development in your child.

Q. What is irresponsible parenting?

A. Irresponsible parenting is when parents fail to take care of their children’s physical and emotional needs, which can often lead to neglect and harm.